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We have done so many Chinese Tea Ceremonies over the years and the one thing we can say for certain is that although there are many similarities, there are also many differences on how each family does it. We LOVE the symbolism of this tradition and the respect given to the elders of both families that this tradition exemplifies. Of course, it’s also a lot of fun to see the Wedding Party having fun and just how much the Groom is willing to pay for the Bridesmaids permission to marry the Bride! In this post, we will be sharing some of the common similarities but please know that things are always customized to each couple, their families, as well as the time and space available. We hope this helps with your planning!
Mike Pham Photography
One of the first things that commonly happens is the Groom & his Groomsmen make their way to way the Bridesmaids and ultimately the Bride is. The often com baring gifts and with a healthy sum of money to “bribe” the Bridesmaids to letting the Groom pass them and eventually to his prize (the Bride).
Photography: Mike Pham Photography
If the gifts that are brought meet the expectations and approval of the Bridesmaids, the Groom and his Groomsmen are allowed to pass the threshold…but usually not much further. We have seen gifts like the Bride’s favorite beverage, jewelry, and of course the very popular…CASH! TIP to any future Grooms…be prepared to bring MULTIPLE gifts ;-).
Are you wondering why the Groom & his party are allowed just over the threshold…but not much further? This is where the fun comes in…at least for the Bridesmaids! The Bridesmaids now put the Groom and his Groomsmen through a number of activities and tests to see just
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how dedicated they are to supporting the Groom and helping him to earn the Bridesmaids approval to marry the Bride! The Bridesmaids are very creative and these activities often involve physical activities (ie: push ups, sit ups, etc.) and eating something (ie: wasabi, lemon, jalapenos, etc.)
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Any guesses what one of the biggest benefits of getting married now is? Technology! Often times, we can now have a Bridesmaid Facetime with the Bride (who is hiding in another room) so that the Bride can see what the Groom and the Groomsmen are doing and just how much he’s willing to do to prove his love and determination to marry her! Before cell phones, the Bride would miss out on all of this.
TIP: Wedding days without a Tea ceremony are long already so consider doing the Tea ceremony 1 day prior or just plan to have a portable phone charger handy as outlets aren’t always handy when you are out and about :-)
PC: Mike Pham Photography
After all of that hard work, the Groom is permitted to pass and FINALLY see his Bride! When the groom “works for it”, it does seem like he has “won” the right to not just see the Bride but to have the approval of her closest family and friends to marry her! Grooms are often VERY proud to have won their approval!
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As with most wedding days, while 1 thing is happening, many other things are too. While the Groom is winning the right to see and marry the Bride, often the space where the actual tea ceremony will take place is being decorated very carefully and with a LOT of meaning and love by family. As you may already know, red and gold are very important in the Chinese culture so decorations for the tea ceremony are most commonly use red & gold.
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Okay…so let’s get started with the actual ceremony. WHO do you serve? Anyone older than the couple who are relatives. The order typically begins with the Grooms parents, then the Grandparents, oldest Aunts & Uncles, then working down by age. Note that although traditionally,
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the Bride’s family would have been served tea in the morning (at the Bride’s house) and the Groom’s family would be served after the Western ceremony, most families now opt to serve both families at the same location before the Western ceremony. This really helps to make the wedding day a lot more efficient (if that is your goal).
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Once the tea is offered and consumed, the family members give the Bride and Groom gifts which are often monetary in a lai see (lucky red envelope) or gold jewelry. Tip: the Bride typically would continue to wear all jewelry received until the entire tea ceremony is completed. It is not uncommon for the Bride to end up
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wearing multiple bracelets and necklaces by the end. TIP: If both sides of the family are not familiar with this ceremony, it is not just considerate but crucial to educate the unfamiliar family members of what to expect and what will be happening. Although it may not be in their culture, they will want to respectful and at the very least have the opportunity to be prepared.
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The tea ceremony might be over but the fun isn’t! Often times, we do the tea ceremony in the morning before the Western ceremony so by the time the tea ceremony ends, it’s just about lunch time. Many couples feed their guests a traditional Chinese meal (often dim sum) and include sweets.
PC: Visionari
Before we conclude this post, we just wanted to share what a common setup for a tea ceremony looks like. The family who are being served would normally sit on the chairs and the Bride and Groom traditionally would kneel on the floor (typically on pillows to save their knees) to be able to bow (forehead touching the floor) to show respect with each tea service.
We hope this post was helpful. The most important thing to remember is that most families have slight variations of what was described and that is completely okay! The meaning is to show respect and joining the two families so just enjoy your big day and know that everyone who is attending is there because they love you!
XOXOXO
Happy Planning!!!
